I chose the road less traveled by and now where the heck am I?

By Kristina Andersson
kriscat@gmail.com
 
 
 

Category: Hurt/ Comfort, Humor 

Summary: Strife ends up old and mortal after he gets in the way of one of Aphrodite's pranks. Can Xena, Gabby and Joxer help him get to Athens? 
 

This started with a challenge from JoeyRZ on Joxerotica. As I read the quotes, a plot bunny came forward and wouldn't leave me alone until the story was done. 

Challenge! Use any of the following quotes in a fic, using them as the 
plot/theme of the fic. No rules expect that it has to be a Joxer, Jace 
and/or Jett fic. Preferably slash! 

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long WORD?" 
"Criticism. Just one more service I offer." 
"Why be normal, when you can be yourself!" 
"What if the Hokey-Pokey is really what it's all about?" 
"I started out with nothing! I have most of it left." 
"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular." 
"I don't feel a day older than I did 100 years ago." 
"On the other hand, you have fingers." 
"Quick! What's another word for Synonym?" 
"I give a 100% at work. 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 
20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday." 
"I'm much too young to be this old." 
"5 out of 4 people have problems with fractions." 
"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow." 
"I chose the road less traveled by and now where the heck am I?" 
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest." 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. Probably good since I can't even take good care of a plant. 

Big hugs and thank you's to those on the Joxerotica list who sent me suggestions for Strife's joke. Especially Joey RZ who recommended Coopsjokes.com where I found the joke I finally used. 

Even bigger thanks to my beta Mac_Xavier who did a great job helping me with tons of grammatical errors. Not to mentioning perfecting my Strife talk. 

I'm not worthy. : deep, deep bow: 
 
 

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Aphrodite growled. She didn't do it often but she had quite a good growl. After all, she'd learned from the master. 

Cupid wasn't the only benefit from her affaire with Ares. 

How dared that moron of a mortal prefer Athena before her? Aphrodite! The goddess of love and beauty. 

He even had the gall to discuss the matter with his friends and in front of Aphrodite's temple no less. 

And his reasoning. Her growl deepened as she thought about what the man had said. 

_" I'll take Athena, any day of the week. She's clever, a good strategist. You could have another use of her than the obvious, you know. And she is so much younger then Aphrodite. I mean, I've heard that Aphrodite is a grandmother now. She should retire and take care of her family. Like a good woman. After all, unlike Athena she doesn't have unnatural intelligence for a woman. And please, she's been with everyone and his grandfather. No, Athena might not be so good looking but with her you would be the first if you know what I mean…" _ 

Aphrodite stopped pacing and smiled evilly. So he wanted a young Athena did he. 

"Ha! Not so young when I'm done!" 

She went to the bench Hephaistos had made for her potions and started working. 

When she was done, an apple was the fruit of her labor. She transported the apple to Athena's Olympian temple with a wave of her hand.     
 

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Strife appeared in Athena's temple and looked around. He much preferred his uncle's decorating with a lot of black, red and steel. At least that was personal. 
Athena's temple was white with some gold colored furniture. It was like the norm of godly decorating. 

No individuality. The only thing that showed some personality was the owl marks Athena insisted to put on all her stuff. 

Ares had asked him to deliver the war plans for the next six months. Officially had he sent Strife because he was busy with some trouble near the north boarder. 

Unofficially he'd sent Strife because Athena wouldn't like the plan and he didn't have the patience to argue with her right now. Athens needed to lose some population. Demeter had made it clear that she couldn't help feeding them all. It should have been done years ago. But Athena had gone over Unc's head and talked to Daddy dearest and Athens had been excluded from the war list. 

But now was it necessary. Demeter couldn't stretch the land's resources any more. Athens had to lose some people or face the worse famine in its history. Unc thought that it was more important then Athena's image. 

Strife wasn't thrilled about visiting his Auntie Thena either. She was boring on her good days. 

She always seemed to expect Strife to learn something when they met. 

Athena in a lecture mode was worse then a pissed of Zeus in Strife's humble opinion. 

This time, he was lucky. Athena was out. He put the scroll on a table and grabbed an apple thinking absentmindedly that he could at least get something good out of the boring job as a messenger. 

He continued his working day and transported to a war lords camp. He quickly started a fight between two warriors who were planning to take over and kill Armil, the present warlord. Unfortunately for them, Armil had Ares protection and they didn't. He walked away accompanied by the sound of fighting. Judging from the shouts, they were killing each other. Mission accomplished. 

It was a beautiful day and Strife was content just to walk down the road eating the apple he'd stolen from Athena. It was the little things in life that mattered to him now that he was back from the Underworld. He smiled at his thoughts. Funny how a thing like dying can put things in perspective. Most people would probably die from shock if they heard him use phrases like that. He started to giggle. 
 

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Gabrielle was in a bad, bad mood. 

"What do you mean, 'Not exactly the next Homer'!?" She asked the Innkeeper deeply offended. 

"Well, You don't have that special something that makes a good bard you know. You're language is either to floral or stuffed. It doesn't sound natural. I'll bet it makes anyone else telling your stories choke." He told her seriously. 

Gabrielle stood, her face red with anger. "Well, who asked you?" She hissed and turned around and left the Inn in a huff. As she left she heard the Innkeeper shout. 

"Hey! Criticism is just one more service I offer!" 

She found Xena and Joxer in the stable grooming Argo. Actually, Xena was doing the grooming. Joxer was mostly in the way. 

Xena looked up. "Ready to leave?" 

"Yes!" Gabrielle hissed. "I can't wait to leave this place. In fact, I'm leaving now." She left. 

"Wow, who can have made Gabby that mad?" asked Joxer and started to collect his things. He'd slept in the stable. 

He'd said it was to protect Argo from thieves but the real reason was that he was almost broke. He knew Xena probably would pay for him if he asked but he didn't want to mooch. He had his pride after all. 

"I almost saw smoke coming out of her ears." 

"I don't know, Joxer." Xena answered and started to lead Argo out of the stable. "But I'm sure we're going to find out." 
 

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"Calling my stories boring…. I'm going to show him. Going to write the story of the century… Who does he think he is? I'm a good bard. My mom said so…"

Gabrielle kept on rambling as they walked down the road. Xena and Joxer had learned to tune her out several miles ago so it took a while before they realized she'd asked a question. 
"I said, is that a person in those bushes?" She pointed at some bushes beside the road. 

Xena took a closer look. 

"Yes it is. Let me check this out." She stepped in to the bushes and came out carrying a body. 

"He is alive, but I think something is wrong because he keeps mumbling something about apples and putting him out of his misery. Let's put up camp in the glade over there and find out what's wrong." 

Both Joxer and Gabrielle took Xena's suggestion as an order. After all, most of Xena's "suggestions" were orders. 

Xena put down her burden on a bedroll, revealing an old man. He had snow white hair and a lot of wrinkles. Strangely enough the man was dressed in a leather outfit with metal pieces as decoration. 

The man looked at his wrinkled hands and looked at Xena with big blue eyes full of pain and confusion. 

"I'm much too young to be this old," he wined. "You got to help me Xena!" 

Xena tilted her head in confusion. "Do I know you?" 

"It's me! Strife! You know, first lieutenant of war?" Not seeing any recognition in her eyes he continued. "Maker of Mayhem and mischief? Have I changed so much?" The man looked like he was ready to cry. 

"Wait a minute! Strife is dead. " Gabrielle looked at Xena and whispered "Do you think he is senile?" 

"I'm neither senile or deaf, thank you very much." Strife growled. "And I've been back for quite a while now. It was just a matter of annoying Hades enough. Dyeing Persephone's hair pink and green did the trick," he explained proudly. 

Xena looked at him closely. 

"The outfit could be Strife's," she admitted. "And I guess he could look like an eighty year old Strife." 

"But he doesn't *talk* like Strife," Gabrielle objected. 

"The aging must have interrupted my speech patterns. After all, my normal physical appearance is as a teen, or maybe early twenties. The aging spell must have affected my mental growth as well." 

The trio just stared at him. 

"What!? I can think you know. I am after all older then the three of you put together." He suddenly looked miserable again. "And now do I look like it too." His chin started to shiver. 

"Well, you might be Strife, but how do we know for sure?" Xena quickly asked figuring it was best to distract the man before he started to bawl. 

The distraction worked and Strife looked at her with his eyes sparkling with mischief. He smiled. 

"I could tell your friend about the time you dressed up in some black girdle like outfit with bunny ears and cotton tail begging Uncle Ares to eat you. But that would be rude…" 

Xena actually blushed. 

"It's Strife." 

"But.." 

"Trust me Gabrielle. It's Strife." 
 

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Joxer sat down by the fire and looked at Strife, who was staring in the fire, with concern. 
"Are you all right?" 

"My body aches, especially my hands." He looked up. "Being old sucks." 

"Oh, my grandmother used to ache like that." 

"As charming as it is that you two are finding common ground... I want to know what in Tartarus happened to you, Strife," Xena interrupted. 

"Yeah, and if we can do the same to Ares!" Gabrielle exclaimed. 

"You really want to get through all that insane fighting again? Because that's probably what would happen." 

"Are you mortal Strife?" 

"Yes Xena. Thank you for stating the obvious. If I wasn't, do you really think I still would be here if I had powers to transport out of here?" 

Joxer decided he didn't like the tension. " So who did this to you? What happened?" 

"I don't know exactly." He pondered at it for a minute. Reviewing the hours before. "I felt a godly spell so it's not the work of a mortal. Thank you fates. It must have been the apple I stole... Uh liberated at Athena's temple." 

Strife was furious. " If Athena is behind this, I'm going to make her wish that uncle Heph never chopped Zeus head open and let her be born in the first place." He sat quietly for awhile trying to brood. 

Unfortunately, he'd early in life found out that that wasn't a character trait he'd shared with Ares. He much rather preferred to take care of the problem fast and then get on with other things. Or plot out revenge and put it in the back of his head until a good time to execute it and not think about it until then. 

"I guess I'll have to go to Athens and try to get a hold of Auntie dearest. Athens is the closest city, right?" 

"Yes. That's where we are going," Joxer told him cheerfully. "Do you want to join us?" 

"Joxer!" Gabrielle glared at him. "Why should we help him? You're so stupid!" 

"But, we can't just leave him to fend for himself. He's mortal and old and he's hurting!" 

He looked at Xena and Gabrielle with big puppy dog eyes. 

An expression Xena hadn't seen since their staged quarrel to get him away from Callisto so he could bring Xena the Hind's Blood dagger. "It's not right. Strife needs our help and we're supposed to be heroes!" 

"Oh please Joxer, if things where the opposite Strife would just laugh at our misery and leave us to die." Gabrielle sneered. 

"But aren't we supposed to be better than them?" 

"Joxer is right, Gabrielle. Strife, you are welcome to accompany us to Athens." 

Xena rose from the rock she'd been sitting on. "I'm going to get us something to eat." She left and Gabrielle followed whining. 

"But Xeeenaaa…" 
 

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As twilight came, the quartet sat by the fire eating the rabbit Xena had caught. Strife guessed the food was all right but he missed ambrosia. 
Gabrielle was working on a story. Apparently someone had told her some truths about her capability as a bard so now she was determent to prove him wrong. Unfortunately she had to share her ideas with the rest of the group. Strife was getting a headache. He couldn't take it anymore. 

"That's wrong in so many levels! First of all, Ares children with 'Dite were made long before she married Heph. It was Apollo who was caught in that net. Somehow you mortals never got the story straight. 

Second, what do you know about the relationship between Ares and Cupid? They happen to have one of the few good father son relationships on Olympus! 

And third, none of this has anything to do with the warriors in the war in Thrace starting an orgy instead of fighting. That was Bliss fault!" 

After a moment thinking about it he added. "And Psyche's for being stupid enough to let the Graces baby sit him. Anyway, do you have to yap about every little thought that's coming out of your head? 

They are just annoying and boring!" 

As Gabrielle prepared to make a stingy reply, Joxer decided to play peacemaker. In other words, he smiled and lied through his teethes. 

"I think you are a great bard Gabrielle." He gave her a dose of his puppy look. "But it would be more exiting to hear the whole story when it's done. Sort of like a surprise." 

Gabrielle couldn't help but smile and feel soothed. And who could blame her. Joxer had spent his entire upbringing trying to make Jett less psychotic and bringing Jayce out of his hissyfits. Gabrielle didn't stand a chance when he brought out the heavy artillery, a pout. 

"You might be right." 

She scowled at Strife. "But I don't want to hear another comment from you!" 

"If you shut your trap, I'll shut mine." 

"Fine!" 

"Fine!" 

They sat in silence for a while. Then Joxer noticed that Strife was staring at his hands, slowly moving his fingers as in pain. 

"Is it real bad?" He asked quietly. 

Strife looked up. He couldn't figure the wannabe warrior out. He actually seemed to care. Care about a god that never had been anything but trouble to his friends. Hades' bathrobe, he was the companion of their worst enemy. 

"Yes, it hurts," he shyly admitted keeping his voice down so the women wouldn't hear him. He didn't want to hear any more of Gabrielle's gloating. Joxer was different. 

"Not just the ache. I am a god. Used to be anyway. I had powers beyond your comprehension, and now I have nothing." 

"I started out with nothing! I have most of it left." Seeing that his comment didn't made Strife smile as was intended he added "And this is just for a short time. We will be in Athens the day after tomorrow. Then all you have to do is go to Athena's temple and ask her to fix you, right?" 

"Hopefully, if she is in a good mood. And is the one who made the spell. Since I grabbed the apple without her knowledge it is possible that it was meant for her." 

Hearing the last part about the apple Xena couldn't help but ask, " Aren't apples your mother's specialty?" 

"Yes, but I can recognize her work anytime. If it were her, I would know. For once Discord is innocent." 

He realized what he just said and added "Not innocent, but she didn't do this." 

Gabrielle looked up from the scroll she was working on. " I still don't understand why you have to follow us. Why don't you just call Ares and let him help you? Or doesn't he like you either?" 

Strife growled at her. "Not that my relationship with Ares is any of your business, but if he knew I needed help he would come. Unfortunately, the spell does also effect my ability to contact the others. It made me mortal after all." 

Joxer was confused. 

"I don't understand. I thought all you had to do was pray and then the god decided if he wanted to answer. I mean, Xena and Hercules gets the gods attention all the time." 

Strife smiled at him. "Do you have any idea how many people there is that pray to us? It's like a low buzz in the back of your head. You can hear the individual prayers if you decide to listen for it. But to get a god's attention it's best to go to a temple. We sort of collect all the prayers from the temples at least once a day. 

And the gods keep tabs on their favorite mortals. Zeus hears every time Hercules mentions him. Ares used to have the same deal with Xena." 

He looked at the warrior princess. "When you left him, he cut of the link. No matter what you believe, Ares don't force himself on people. All his follower chose to follow him." 

He sighed. "Just listen to me. I miss the way I used to speak!" He pouted and suddenly looked a lot like Cupid. 

"Now, why would you miss that?" Gabrielle asked. "At least you sound normal now." 

"Why be normal, when you can be yourself!" Strife replied. "Trying to be something you're not just makes you miserable." He looked at his hands again. 

"And I used to be mischief. Now, I'm nothing." He suddenly looked at Joxer in shock. "If I don't get this spell reversed I can die!" 

" That shouldn't bother you. You've already been dead once so it's not like it's new for you." Gabrielle glared annoyed that Strife had won their last argument. 

"Gabrielle!" Xena exclaimed. "What an awful thing to say." 

Strife growled at Gabrielle. "You were even worse brought up then I was. As the blond hunter who usually hangs around Jercules once said: 'Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.'" 

He gave her a grin. "He is actually pretty smart. Unlike another blond sidekick I know…" 

Deciding that it was time to stop Strife and Gabrielle's bickering Xena suggested that they should get some sleep. 

Xena and Gabrielle were soon comfortably sleeping in their bedrolls. 

Joxer however noticed that Strife was lying on the bare ground with his arms wrapped around his body trying not to make to much noise shivering. 

"Hey," he whispered. "I guess we forgot that you didn't have any stuff with you. It's going to be really cold tonight. Grandmother always said that cold made her ache worse. You can share my bedroll if you want." 

Strife gave him a look of gratitude. "You mean it?" 

Joxer smiled a sad smile. Had Strife never meet nice caring people before? Sharing a bedroll when it was this cold was just common sense. Nothing special. Even Jett would probably do it. To get some extra warmth for himself, but still. He was surprised Xena hadn't thought about Strife and the cold. 

"Sure, of course I mean it. Come over here." 

Soon were the two men snuggled against each other sound a sleep, sharing body heat. 
 

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Ares stormed in to Athena's temple. His face in a growl furious enough to make anyone seriously considering to go somewhere else. Fast. 
How ever, Athena wasn't anyone. So she calmly looked up from the scroll she was reading. 

"Do you want something or is this a social visit?" 

Ares snarled. "Where is he?" 

She raised an eyebrow. "I don't know. It would help if you were a bit more specific." 

"I mean Strife of course!" 

"I haven't seen him. But he might have been the one who left this scroll with fake war plans." 

She gave him an icy glare. "Because I know you wouldn't dare to suggest to bring Athens in a war." 

"Sorry sis. Aunt Demeter says she can't help anymore. I've already got the old goat's permission." He grinned. "Which is probably why no one has been able to reach him for a while." 

Athena pouted. "I guess it has to happen then. But I don't like it!" 

Ares became serious again. "Are you sure you haven't seen Strife? He's been missing for over a day now. And he always checks in with me so I know what he's doing." 

"No. I haven't seen him. Now, was there something else? I really need to finish this scroll and if I don't do it now, my entire schedule for the day will be messed up. I really don't want to give up the half hour I have put aside for relaxing." 

Ares just shook his head. 

"Don't you ever do something just because you feel like it?" 

"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow." She answered seriously. 

Ares just groaned and left. 
 

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"A Centurion in the roman legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, 'What's the camel for?' 
The Sergeant replied 'Well Sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.' 

The centurion said 'Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me.' 

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, 'BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!' 

The sergeant shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the centurion's quarters. 

The centurion got a footstool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the enlisted men do it?' 

The Sergeant replied, 'Well Sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.' " 

Strife finished the story and looked at his companions expectantly. He wasn't disappointed. 

Joxer exploded with a merry laughter and Xena smiled amused. Gabrielle however just frowned. 

"That's not even funny." 

Strife smirked, "Have you ever heard the phrase 'He who laughs last, thinks slowest'? Or in this case, she." 

Getting Gabrielle in a fit was getting easier and easier. 

He'd finally started to recover from the journey during the day. Having to travel as a mortal was bad enough. Having to travel as an eighty-year-old was like a punishment his great uncle Hades would come up with for some poor sucker in Tartarus. 

He wouldn't have made it without Joxer. Xena tolerated his presence but no more and Gabrielle less than that. But Joxer helped him. 

When Strife got too tired to walk by himself, Joxer simply put his arm under Strife's and supported his weight. 

When that wasn't enough he pretended so have a pebble in his booth so Strife could have a break. He continued like that all day until Xena finally realized Strife's condition and let him ride Argo. It'd helped his legs but made his behind suffer. 

Now, he sat by the fire trying to cheer up Joxer with stupid jokes. Since Gabrielle couldn't win her verbal fight with Strife, she took it out on Joxer. And Joxer just took it. Trying not to show how much she hurt him with her comments and complaints. 

Nothing he did was good enough. 

He was too slow getting the fire started. His question if he could help with something else was just stupid and most of all; it was his fault they were stuck with Strife. 

The more Gabrielle lashed out at Joxer the more protective Strife got. 

And the more protective Strife got, the more vicious he became during his bantering with Gabrielle. Unfortunately it was Joxer who got caught in the middle. Finally Strife couldn't see him so miserable so he started to tell jokes. 

Which he was very good at. He even got a laugh or two out of Xena. 

Apparently Gabrielle had realized that she couldn't win an argument with Strife and ignored his comment. She returned to her scrolls instead. For the next hours the only thing heard from her was an exited "Quick! What's another word for Synonym?" and a whining "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long WORD?". 

Xena was making some sort of leash for Argo and ignored the rest. 

That only left Joxer to talk with. Which suited Strife fine. He started to understand why Ares had given the mortal his protection. 

He might not be a great warrior, or when Strife thought about it even a decent one, but what he lacked in skills he made up in loyalty and determination. No wonder why Ares used to have a smile on his lips after hearing a prayer from one of his favorite worshiper. 

Not that Ares would let Joxer know that. He couldn't show himself soft after all. But Strife knew that Ares helped to keep Joxer alive. 

And Joxer was smarter then most people thought he was. If you took the time to listen, he had valuable opinions about most things. 

A question from Joxer took him out of his thinking mode. 

"Huh?" 

"I asked if it really was Apollo that got trapped in Hephaistos net or did you made that up to fool Gabrielle?" 

"It's true. Apollo is very much his father's son when it comes to copulating." 

"Hmm. I wonder how many other things we mortals got wrong about the gods." 

Strife had to laugh at that one. "You really don't want to know!" 

They shared the bedroll this night too. Strife was comfortably snuggled in beside Joxer. The mortal radiated heat and Strife was driven to it as a moth to a flame. As far as Strife was concerned, Joxer was the only good thing about this mess. When he was back to normal, he had some plans for the mortal… 
 

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Strife woke up hearing Joxer whimper in his sleep. The other man was moving around making sounds of panic. There was tears running from his closed eyes. Obviously trapped in a nightmare. 

"HEY, Joxer buddy!" He gently shook Joxer's shoulder. 

His only reply was a low cry of fear. 

"OK, you got to wake up now because you're starting to scare me here." He shook him harder. 

Joxer woke up with a gasp. 

"Oh gods, that was a bad one." He sat up and rubbed his hair from his head. Strife looked at him. The moonlight made it almost as light as the day. 

" Uh…Are you aware that you're leaking?" He asked not sure if it was a polite thing to ask. 

Joxer couldn't help but to give out a little laugh at that. He wiped away his tears. 

"It is called crying. It happens when you're sad or real frightened or angry." He gave the confused god a smile. "Or when you're really happy." He added. 

"Oh. So that's what it looks like... " Strife nodded for himself. "It's very rare that a god cries, you know. I've never seen another god cry. And I guess I haven't noticed mortals doing it before." He frowned. 

"You didn't sound happy before and I doubt you were angry so why were you sad or scared?" 

Joxer shrugged. "Just a bad dream I guess. Morpheus must be upset with me." He added shyly "Thank you for waking me up." 

"You're welcome. And he doesn't send out all the dreams you know. 

He says that sometimes the mind needs to work stuff through that you don't want to think about when you're awake. So you do it in your dreams." 

Joxer thought about it. It made sense. 

Strife continued with a whisper. " At least that's what he said when Ares threatened to beat him up if he didn't stop sending me nightmares." 

He sat up horrified. "I... I didn't meant to tell you that." 

Joxer put a hand on Strife's shoulder. 

"Don't worry, I won't tell any one." 

Strife relaxed and slowly lowered himself down on the bedroll again. " I know you wouldn't, Jox. It's just… I don't usually talk about stuff like this with any one other than Ares or Cupid." 

He admitted shyly. "It's kind of nice to have someone to talk with." 

"Yeah." 

"So… I tell you mine if you tell me yours?" 

"OK." 

There was silence for a while and then: 

"It was about home. When I was little I mean." Strife heard Joxer swallow a couple of times. "Most people sees Jett as this murdering psychopath. He is I guess. But for me and Jayce, he was the only protection we had." 

He turned to his side and faced Strife. 

"Our father wasn't …nice. And mother wouldn't be bothered." 

He let out an ironic laughter. "That's probably why I'm the most sanest of the three of us." 

He sighed. 

"Any way, when I was seven, my father gave me a beating of a life time. He almost killed me. I didn't wake up for over three months. And when I did woke up, I was like this." He said with a sad smile. 

"What do mean like this?" Strife asked quietly. He had a hunch but wanted to hear it from Joxer. 

"When I was six, I could climb any tree. I could hit a target with an arrow or a knife, even better then Jett. And I used to run. I was always running. After the" He hesitated. " Incident, I was like I am today. Fumbling, not coordinated, can't hit a target if my life depends on it. Jett thinks that I messed something up in my head. He said I bled out of my ears when he found me." 

Strife thought about it. "Jett could be right, you know. Asclepius says that there is this tiny thing in mortals' ears that regulates balance." 

"Oh... Strange. That your ear should have anything to do about tripping over your feet I mean." He sighed. 

"This is probably going to sound stupid but I'm glad if it was because something father did. At least that means that a god isn't pissed at me. That's what mother said." 

The despair in his voice did it. Strife moved closer and pulled Joxer in a light embrace. At first Joxer tensed but then he snuggled in and laid his head on Strife's chest. 

For a while all that was heard was Gabrielle's snoring. 

Then Strife hesitantly started to talk. 

"My parents are no better than yours. I don't even know who my father is. 

Every now and then Mom hints that this or that god might be the one. But she never tells the truth. She says she gets so much power from the discord my parentage creates and that she has no intentions to give up her milking cow yet." 

Joxer gave out a sympathetic mumble. 

"My first years weren't any fun. Mom didn't really want me and I was more like a punching bag for her. Something to take out frustrations on." 

Joxer hugged him closer. 

"Things got better when Ares found out. I was about ten at the time. He took me in. Protected me. He is the closest thing I have to a father." 

Strife sighed. 

"Of course, every now and then mom would go to Zeus and tell him that she missed her baby boy and was wondering if he could get Ares off her back. Ares told him how she treated me but he didn't believe him. So I was back with her for another day or week until Ares could take me back." 

Strife swallowed. He had a lump in his throat but it was easier then he thought to share this with Joxer. 

They hadn't known each other for more then two days but each understood the other. They could talk and relate as Cupid used to say. 

And the cuddling was nice too. 

They fell a sleep in each other's arms. 
 

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Strife awakened long before sunrise feeling something hard on his hip. Joxer's hard on to be exact. 

Not sure what to do, Strife was content to just continuing to lie like that. It only took a couple of minutes before Joxer woke up. 

Joxer frowned and scooted away from Strife stammering "I... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…" 

Strife couldn't believe that a rejection could hurt so much. He turned away from Joxer. 

"It's OK. Don't worry. Cupid says it happens all the time for mortals. It's not like you could find me remotely attractive like this anyway." 

Joxer moved closer. " Hey, it was because of you," he said gently and raised Strife's chin so the god would look at him. 

" How can I possibly turn you on looking like this! Wrinkly and saggy. And my hair is white!" 

Joxer smiled and moved even closer. "Yes you are wrinkly and saggy. And your hair is white. And you have the most amazing eyes, sometimes blue as a summer sky and sometimes as dark as the night." 

He became serious. "But you're also the one who held me after a nightmare. The first who has done that since I was a child. The first one who cared. And then you shared your own secrets with me. About the only one who has treated me as an equal since before the... Incident. And because of that, do I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone before." He caressed Strife's cheek. ". I just didn't think that you would want me." 

"Well, I do," was the reply he got before Strife pulled him in for a long kiss. 

"Umm… This is nice," he managed to say as they came up for air. 

Strife's only reply was his hands roaming over Joxer's body as he kissed him again. Joxer decided it was only polite to return the favor. 

Eventually hands started to wander in under clothes and all that was heard was moaning. And of course, Gabrielle snoring. 

Feeling Joxer's cock harden under his touch Strife continued caressing it. Joxer gave back as well as he got. Unfortunately it didn't help. 

Strife moved away and sighed. " This doesn't work. I can't get it up!" 

"Oh. I'm sorry I'm not good enough." Joxer stammered and looked like he was about to cry. 

"No!" Strife moved closer again. "It's not you, Joxer. It's me." He said and gave the other man a light kiss on the cheek. "You are perfect. I don't want anything more then to completely ravish you." He moved his fingers through the mortal's hair and smiled as he saw Joxer change expression from being on the verge of crying to smiling happy. Which made Strife wanting him even more. 

"I hate being this old!" Strife whined miserably. "I've never had this problem before!" 

"Well, snuggling is nice too," Joxer said comforting. 

Strife smiled mischievously. " I think I can do better then snuggling. After all, there is no reason why you should suffer because I do…" 

He slowly started to undress Joxer. Unwrapping him like he was a gift. And in a way he guessed he was. 

Looking at Joxer's slim pale body, almost shining in the moonlight. Strife's face was filled with awe. "You are so beautiful." 

Joxer moaned. Strife gave him a gentle kiss and then moved down between his legs. 

And started with skilled hands gently to stroke Joxer's inner thighs, moving slowly, slowly up towards his cock. 

He let his tongue followed the path of his fingers. Joxer shut his eyes tightly and tried to hold back from thrusting his hips forward. 

He grunted and gripped some grass as he tried to keep some measure of control. 

Strife's tongue found one of Joxer's balls; he sucked one tenderly, then the other. 

"Oh...Gods...Strife" Joxer moaned. He was so hard he thought he'd die right there. He wanted desperately to grab Strife by the hair and force the godling to start tending to his aching cock. 

"Please....ohpleaseohplease....Strife…" He begged silently doing his best not to wake Gabrielle or Xena up. 

His lover stopped what he was doing and Joxer groaned. Strife looked up at him and smiled. "I think I know what you want..." 

He began to lick Joxer's cock, in long slow licks. Joxer pushed his hips closer, closer to that hot, ready mouth. Then Strife took in the entire length of his cock. Joxer gasped. He couldn't believe that something could feel so good. 

Strife then began a slow, steady, suck, puckering his lips, causing an incredible sensation along the sensitive skin of the mortals cock. 

Joxer moaned and thrust his hips. Strife began to suck harder, as he opened Joxer's legs more. The god used two fingers, and quickly found his lovers opening, going deeper and deeper until he found the prostate. 

Joxer cried out, feeling everything, all out pleasure from both sides. He bucked his hips forward, thrusting helplessly, tangling his fingers in Strife's hair, pulling him closer. He felt himself getting closer, as a pressure began building up, now, the only thing on his mind was release. 

Strife felt Joxer's thrust into his mouth once, twice, then his body stiffened. 

"Oh gods!" He cried out as he came, his seed erupting into the others mouth. Strife swallowed Joxer's semen as his lips carefully milked his lover's cock until he fell backwards on the bedroll with a moan, arms over his head, chest heaving rapidly. Strife moved forward and touched Joxer's head. 

"Joxer...are you still alive...Jox?" 

Joxer opened his eyes, so quickly Strife was startled. He pulled the godling to him and kissed his mouth. He could taste himself on his lover's mouth. 

"Oh my god, Strife…" He whispered. "That was...that was fantastic..." 

Strife just grinned. 
 

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They woke up with Xena gently touching Strife's shoulder. 
"I think its time to wake up now." She said with a smile. "I decided it would be a good idea to wake you two before Gabrielle." 

Strife mumbled thanks and went to the stream nearby to wash up. Joxer glanced dreamily after him. 

Realizing that Xena grinned at him he blushed and smiled sheepishly. 

"You don't mind?" 

Xena realized the fear behind the question. She understood Joxer's fear of having to choose between his best friends and his lover. Some best friends we have been, she thought guilty. She smiled reassuringly at Joxer. 

" I think its great that you've found some one. I have to be honest and say that the fact that its Strife worries me. But as long as you're happy, I'm satisfied." 

She saw Joxer give out a sigh and continued "And if he hurts you, you tell me and I'll make him pay. OK?" 

"OK. But I don't think he will. At least not intentionally. We can talk. Its great to have someone who completely understands you." 

"I bet it is. I'm happy for you Joxer. I'm glad. I always hoped you would get over your crush on Gabrielle." She frowned. "I love her dearly, but you deserve something better. Someone who can appreciate you for you." 

"I think Strife does that," Joxer replied. A bit stunned by Xena's approval and revelations about her opinion of his puppy love for Gabrielle. He'd always thought that the warrior princess didn't think that he was good enough for the bard. 

" Of course I do!" Strife interrupted. Joxer jumped. He hadn't heard Strife return. Since Xena didn't react he assumed she had. 

Strife sat down next to Joxer laying an arm around him, holding him close. He whispered, 

"I thought we had dealt with our insecurities last night." 

"I guess I need you close to believe." Joxer blushed. 

"Good." The god smiled. "Because I plan to stay around for as long you want me." 

He was rewarded with a happy smile from his lover. 
 

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"Aphrodite!" Ares materialized in Cupid's temple. 
"What's up Pops?" Cupid asked lying on the floor together with Bliss playing with some toy soldiers. 

"Where is your mother? She isn't in any of her temples and she doesn't answer my calls. And have you seen Strife?" Ares growl disappeared as he looked at his grandson who raised his arms demanding to be picked up. The war god obeyed. 

Cupid smiled at the sight of his father gently holding his son. Very few saw this side of Ares. Those who did, loved him. 

"Mom is with Heph in his cave. She needed to get away a while. Something about a prank she's playing on Athena." 

He rose from the floor and sat down in one of the chairs in the room. "And I know that neither mom nor I have seen Strife in weeks. We talked about him being unusually quiet just before she left." 

Ares put Bliss down and frowned. "Then where can he be? He was supposed to check out some things for me in Corinth but he haven't shown up." 

"How long has he been missing?" 

Ares sat down in the chair next to Cupid and took one of the cookies his son offered him. 

"Almost two days now. I know he left Athena's temple and transported out to do a job at Armil's camp. He did the job, but then it's like he disappeared." He took a bite of the cookie. "Did Hestia make these?" 

"Of course! Who else in our family can cook?" Cupid laughed. Adding more seriously. 

"Do you want me to help looking for Strife?" 

"No. I think you have your hands full with this one." Ares replied as he soberly accepted the soldier Bliss gave him. He looked at the toy and smiled. It was a miniature Hades. He had made the miniature gods for Cupid when he was a baby. Which he had been for a long time. Then the toy army had survived Phobus and Deimos to finally go to Strife. He was glad to see that a new generation enjoyed them. 

"I hate to be the one to bring her up, but have you checked with Discord?" Cupid interrupted his musings. 

"Yes. She was one of my first stops. She don't have him." He grinned evilly. "I made sure of that." 

"I have no doubt." Was his blond son's reply. 
 
 

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Gabrielle was confused. She was missing something. She was sure of it. Something was going on but she couldn't for the life of her figure out what it was. Xena knew. She had to. There was no other reason for her to smile like that the whole way if she didn't know the secret. Unless she was as tired of Strife as Gabrielle was. 
She couldn't wait until they got to Athens and could dump Strife off at Athena's temple. The way he and Joxer whispered and laughed. The looks they shared. If she didn't knew better she would've believed they were in love. 

But that was impossible since Joxer was in love with her. It was quite nice to have someone moan after you. Someone to take out your bad temper on. She looked quite fondly at Joxer who was giggling at something Strife said. At least Strife wasn't faking being hurt today. She still couldn't believe Xena had let him ride Argo. 

She frowned. Could Strife be tricking Joxer into playing some trick on her? She decided to be extra careful from now on. 

Gabrielle was the last thing on Strife's mind. He was happy. Life was good. He had Joxer and he was on his way to Athens were Athena would help him with the spell. He might have to sit through a lecture but it would be worth it. 

No one had forced him to eat that apple. It had been his choice even if he didn't know the outcome of his action. By becoming mortal he followed a path few gods ever had tried. But instead of being lost, he'd found his way home. 

With Joxer. Whoever it was who made the apple had done him a big favor. He had Joxer. That was all that mattered. 

Joxer felt like he could fly. He'd found someone who cared. 

Someone who listened to his opinions. 

Someone who confided in him. 

Someone who told him, * Joxer * all his secrets. 

Someone who didn't care that he was clumsy and always ended up in trouble. 

In fact, that was one of the things Strife said he loved about him. 

If this was love, love was good. 

Xena smiled looking at Strife and Joxer's antics. Love was in the air. She would never have guessed. It had been quite a shock finding them laying together. It had been obvious what had taken place. But she was glad. Joxer deserved happiness. And if Strife made Joxer happy that was just fine with her. That's what she'd told Joxer. He'd believed her. And if she said it to her self often enough perhaps she would believe herself too. 

Strife laughed. It was a beautiful day. Looking up in the sky he saw a hawk taking flight. 

"Look Joxer!" He exclaimed and pointed. Then hurried to grab a hold of Joxer who stumbled and was about to fall as soon as his attention was taken of the road. 

"It's a hawk. Sometimes I would like to be a bird flying across the sky. But I'm really bad at animal transformation. That's more Zeus' thing. And Poseidon's." He sighed dreamily. "But I bet it would be great to have wings like that hawk." 

"On the other hand, you have fingers." Joxer said suggestively. 

"Oh… You like my fingers, don't you? You want to feel them all over your body again tonight?" Strife grinned mischievously. 

"You bet!" 

"Not to mention your mouth," he added. 

They both started laughing again. 

Gabrielle couldn't take it anymore. She and Xena had been to far away to hear the conversation. But the laughter convinced her it had been about her. 

"Enough! I want to know what's going on! Why are you two so cheerful?" She turned to Strife and glared. "What ever it is you're planning to con Joxer into won't work. He's to stupid and I'm to smart!" 

Not getting the reaction she wanted; she got in his face. "What are you grinning about? I want to know…" 

"You want to know." Strife interrupted. "It's always what you want isn't it? Well, I have some questions too." 

He moved closer and Gabrielle found herself backing. 

"Who died and made you the moral conscience of the world? Why does Cupid have wings? Did Hercules strength take away his brains or would he have ended up stupid anyway? Why does Helios have the sun rise in east? Just once I would like to see it rise from north!" 

Gabrielle kept moving back and he kept moving closer. All the time staring her in the eyes. 

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it still make a sound? What makes you think that the only thing Joxer and I have to talk about is you? Are you the center of the universe all of a sudden? What if the Hokey-Pokey is really what it's all about? Have you ever thought of that?" 

By now he'd forced Gabrielle off the road. She took one more step and ended up in a ditch just as Strife had planned. 

Spitting out some slime she crawled out of the ditch. She was covered with mud and spitting with anger. 

Xena and Joxer tried not to laugh. Strife however howled with laughter. 

"Xena! Look what he did!" Gabrielle whined. 

"I'm sorry Gabrielle, but you kind of brought this on yourself. Don't worry. We are almost in Athens now. Where you can get a nice hot bath in an Inn." Xena comforted her. 

Gabrielle just growled. Strife noticed that for some one claming to always follow peace, she was quite good at it. 
 

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They arrived in Athens at noon. And although Gabrielle really wanted to go to an Inn and have a long hot bath, her curiosity wouldn't let her miss Strife's attempt to contact Athena. 
So she joined the others in Athena's temple. Full of mud and slime she attracted a lot of attention. 

Oh. Well, she thought. If Athena shows up I'll have a great story to tell and if she doesn't… I can gloat. 

The temple was full of priests and worshipers. There was always an air of solemnity in Athena's temple Xena mused. Athena took herself very seriously. Feeling a bit guilty, she had to admit that she preferred Ares or Aphrodite's temples. 

Most of the worshippers wrinkled their noses at the worse for wear group. A lot of them stared at Gabrielle. Athenians had always been a bit snobbish. As a matter of fact, they reminded Strife of Athena. He wondered if they had been like this before Athena became the town's patron. If it was what had attracted Athena and Poseidon in the first place. Or if Athena had rubbed off on the population. Filing that thought in his mind to ponder on later he stepped up to the main altar and shouted. 

"Aunt Atheeena! Where aaare you? Hellooo? Atheeeena!" 

Just as the priests started to move to stop the disturbing elder (Obviously senile.) from upsetting their goddess Athena appeared. 

"Who is screaming in my temple? Very undignified." She looked at Strife. "Who are you?" Then she frowned and looked again. She stared at him for a while trying to figure out why he looked so familiar. Suddenly she realized. "Strife!?" 

"Yes, It's me." He answered. "Since you're surprised, I guess you're not the one who did this to me?" 

Athena looked at the head priest and commanded "Leave!" The temple was empty in seconds except for the goddess and the travelers. "Why would I bother to do something to you?" 

"You got a point. But in that case, someone is after you. Because I happened to take an apple probably meant for you from your home at Olympus and ended up like this." 

"Apple? Are you sure it isn't your…" 

"Yes!" Strife interrupted. "I do know my mother's power signature." 

"Well, I guess I'll have to call for Ares." Athena said with a bored sigh. "He's been looking for you. I'm sure that we can get to the bottom of this." 

"What do you want?" was Ares' way of greeting when he arrived a couple of minutes later. "Don't you know I'm busy…" The words died on his lips as he sat eyes on Strife. Unlike his sister, he recognized his nephew right away. 

"Strife!" 

"That's my name, don't wear it out." Strife started to say with a giggle relived that his uncle was there. However he never got a chance to finish the sentence before Ares caught him in a big hug. 

"What in Hades happened to you?" 

Ares listened intensively as Strife told his story again. Then he yelled. "Aphrodite!" 

"Do you really think that 'Dite has anything to do with this?" Strife asked. 

Ares grinned. It was not a nice grin. "Cupid said she was hiding in Heph's cave because of some prank she's supposed to have pulled on Athena." He looked at his sister. "And since sister dearest hasn't proclaimed her undying love for a pig; I think we can assume that the apple was from 'Dite." 

Not getting a respond from his summon he bellowed "Hephaistos!" 

The fire god answered almost at once. "What's up Bro.? I was in the middle of something." 

"I bet you were," Ares murmured. "Get your wife here. Her practical joke backfired." 

Heph closed his eyes for a moment then nodded. "She's coming but she's not happy about it." 

He took a look at the mortals in the room. He nodded at Xena and Gabrielle. Gave Joxer a smile as he recognized one of his brother's favorite worshipers and frowned when he saw Strife. 

"Is that Strife?" 

Strife sighed. He was getting real tired of that question. 

Aphrodite popped into view with rose petals and golden sparkles. She looked around surprised to see Xena and Gabrielle. Gave out a cheery "Hi Joxie!" to Joxer. Tried to ignore Athena, and looked questioning at Ares. Obviously Athena hadn't eaten her apple yet so what was all the fuss about? Then she saw Strife. She looked at him in horror. 

"Oh, poor Strifey! What have I done?!" 

"So it was you!" Strife snarled at her. "Fix me!" 

"I'm so sorry." She said biting her lip close to crying. Then she conjured up a small glass bottle. "Here, you have to drink it. And I'm so sorry, I didn't mean…" 

"You never do." Ares interrupted her apology. "But somehow things like this always happens around you. Next time think, before you do something." His lecturing tone changed as he thought about what could have happened. "Strife could have died! It was just pure luck that he met up with Xena." 

Aphrodite started to cry. "I'm so sorry…" Heph moved to his wife and comforted her gently. 

Xena was stunned. Ares really seemed to care about Strife. Who would have thought that the god of war actually cared about someone? 

Strife didn't notice anything else then the vial. He took a deep breath, looked at Joxer and said, "Here goes nothing." And swallowed. 

A light shimmer surrounded him and he felt his youth and godhood returning. He laughed. 

Joxer looked at the pale dark-haired god before him. 

"How do you feel Strife?" 

"Ah don't feel a day older than I did 100 years ago." His lover replied, giggled and hugged him. Strife gave Ares a hug too. Gabrielle's jaw hit the floor when she saw Ares return it. 

Strife looked into his surrogate father's eyes. "Hey, Unc. I'm sorry I didn't make it ta Corinth." 

Ares shrugged. "It's OK. As long as your back." He looked at the mortal next to Strife and grinned. "Just don't let Joxer here distract you too much from your work." Joxer blushed. 

"That's right. Ones personal life should not interfere in ones work." Athena lectured. 

" Hey! I give a 100% at work. 14% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 

20% on Thursday an' 5% on Friday." Strife protested. 

Athena groaned. "That adds up to 102% Strife!" 

"Don't take it so hard Milady. 5 out of 4 people have problems with fractions." Joxer stated proudly. 

Athena threw her hands up in the air. "I don't know why I bother!" 

Strife cooed and gave his lover another hug. "Isn't he adorable? Ta stop Aunty 'Thena on a lecturing mode, that takes major talent!" 

Gabrielle just stared. "You two, together?" She eventually stuttered. Then she thought about all she'd put Joxer through and exactly what an angry god avenging his lover could do. Then she fainted. 

Xena gave Joxer a hug. "I've better take her to an Inn." She gave Strife a stern look. "You take good care of him. OK?" 

Strife nodded. 

"Good." Xena lifted up Gabrielle, wrinkling her nose at the smell of the slime. "Let us know how you're doing. Good luck." She left the temple. 

Strife looked at Aphrodite, still crying in Heph's arms. 

"Hey, 'Dite! No hard feelings. OK? Ya did get me back and it's a kinda cool prank. And I sortah have mah self ta blame ya know. For taking tha apple in tha first place." 

Hearing that, Aphrodite cheered up. "OK. Strifey. But I'm really sorry." 

"Which makes me ask why you gave me the apple?" Athena interrupted. For I assume it was made for me. What have I done to piss you of?" 

"Oh. It was this mortal…" She closed her eyes and let Athena see what the man had said. 

The goddess of wisdom and war sighed. "Did it ever occur to you that he didn't exactly gave me any complements either. As a matter of fact, I think we should punish *him* for talking about two goddesses like that." 

"Uh… That sort of make more sense." Aphrodite admitted sheepishly. 

"So, come on!" Athena and Aphrodite left. 

Heph sighed. "There goes that second honeymoon 'Dite was talking about." He felt sorry for the mortal. To have one pissed of goddess after you were enough to make any man cry. To have two… Well, Heph wouldn't give much for the guy's sanity when Athena and 'Dite was done. 

"Cupid and Bliss had Hestia cookies." Ares said, trying to cheer up his brother. "Maybe there are some left." 

They looked at each other. "Let's go." 

The two gods disappeared. 

Joxer looked at Strife. 

Strife looked at Joxer. 

"So what do we do now?" The mortal asked. 

Strife smirked and swept Joxer of his feet. It felt nice to carry Joxer. 

"Since I'm back tha being me. An' havving mah strength back, so ta speak. I guess I'll just have tha take ya to mah temple on Olympus an' jump ya. For like tha whole eternathy or sumting" 

Joxer smiled and gave Strife a kiss. It was nice to be carried. "I would like that." 

He held on tighter to Strife as the god transported out of the temple. 

The future would be interesting. 
  
  

THE END
  
  
 
 

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